


The First Time

by dk323



Category: Forever (TV)
Genre: Abe picking up the pieces, Angst, Foreverdrabbles10, post Abigail leaving
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-07
Updated: 2016-02-07
Packaged: 2018-05-18 18:53:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5939512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dk323/pseuds/dk323
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In 1984, Abe has to save his dad. But with him being immortal, saving Henry Morgan takes on a whole new meaning.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Taking Initiative

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for the Forever Drabbles Challenge (Week 10) for the prompt, “watch me" during Old Prompts week. Missed the deadline the first time around -- glad there's the chance now to use past prompts this week. :-)
> 
> Any inaccuracies are my error.

“Okay, I’m ready. Please, kill me now.”

Henry Morgan, Forever 1x01

~ * ~

1984

With his dad drowning himself in sorrow and alcohol, Abe was so weary and tired. He needed his dad especially now. They were in the same boat losing a member of their once happy family. Abe wished that his dad was there for him, the strong one, instead of Abe having to doggedly bear it all and be there to support his dad.

His unusually long life didn’t seem to equate to handling certain hardships very well. But then again, as far as Abe knew, his Mom was the first woman his dad had the longest committed relationship with. Abe should have anticipated this – what would happen if his Mom left. His Mom had told him in the last few years that his dad didn’t pay much attention to the clear physical differences in age between him and her. That his Mom was all too aware of the looks they were receiving, but his dad – whether unintentionally or purposefully or a little of both – was blind to the stares.

Regardless of all that, the aftermath of his Mom’s departure was Abe’s primary concern.

He had convinced his dad to sign the Advance Directive with two witnesses to see and confirm the signing. Abe had been grateful for having friends willing enough to do this. While they knew Henry as just Abe’s brother, he was glad for their participation. Abe had tried his best to get his dad to stay sober at least for this important meeting. He’d taken away all the bottles. He had been tempted to simply drain them all, but damnit, some of them were expensive. 

While he knew he should be more concerned about his dad’s health than the cost of alcohol, Abe gave in and chose to hide the bottles in a secure locked cabinet. He made sure his dad didn’t know the location of the box. Although Abe knew with his dad’s too good observational skills, he accepted that he may have difficulty in keeping this secret from him.

His dad’s fingers trembled from alcohol withdrawal as he signed the Advance Directive. He had accepted Abe’s explanation that with Mom gone, Abe needed to be his authorized surrogate as his “brother” to the outside world. If his dad ended up in a medical facility, Abe required the official authority to get him out. So his dad wouldn’t risk exposing his immortality.

After his friends had gone, Abe checked on his dad. He sighed as he watched his dad giving his mug of tea a very hard gaze. Probably wishing it was more alcohol than tea.

“Dad,” Abe said quietly. 

Having to call his dad by his first name in public never got any easier even if he had been doing it for some years now. So to finally address him in private as Abe would always see him, first and foremost, was always nice. Like coming home. Although lately, Abe had been more tempted to slap him in the face than anything else.

His dad looked up at him. He frowned. 

“So that’s it? We’re going to stop looking for Abigail? Move on.”

“I miss her too, Dad. So much. But I need to do something. I can’t let life pass me by and continue searching for Mom when she doesn’t want to be found. It hurts to say that, even thinking it is hard, but I’m beginning to accept it’s the truth. No matter how frustrating that is.”

His dad’s face fell. His mouth opened, ready to say something, but then he appeared to change his mind.

“I need to go.” He announced, standing up. He stumbled a little, reaching for the arm of the chair to regain his balance.

“Not in the state you’re in. I’m not letting you.”

His dad headed in the direction of the door regardless of Abe’s objection.

Abe beat him to it, placing himself in front of the door to block his dad from leaving.

“Abraham, please step aside.”

“No.”

“I can’t stay here any longer. And I don’t need you looking after me.”

Abe just gave him an incredulous look. “I think you might, especially now.”

Abe could see the desperation in his dad’s eyes. He didn’t want to be trapped at home, forced to acquiesce to another’s demands, no matter how well-meaning Abe was hoping he was being.

Words failing him, his dad attempted to push him, to get him away from the door.

Abe didn’t budge.

His dad raised his hand. Abe wasn’t sure if he would punch him or not.

“Abe please.”

“Hit me if you want. It won’t change my mind.” Abe was stubborn. He crossed his arms.

He saw his dad’s shoulders fall. He put up his hands to express his surrender and backed away. 

Abe was a little surprised but relieved too that the situation hadn’t escalated. He could scarcely imagine if he could forgive his father if he’d struck him. Even if his dad wasn’t in the most sound state of mind at the moment. The memory of it would hurt him more than any physical pain.

He’d probably be unable to talk or even look at his dad for some time afterwards.

“I am sorry,” he said to Abe, sounding sincere.

He nodded at his dad. “This isn’t easy for either of us. But we have to stay together. That’s what Mom would want. You’re the only Dad I’ve got, and even if you’ll outlive me, I think you know there are other ways to die. I don’t want you to live a half-life – just going through the motions while self-medicating to the point of addiction. That’s not living, Dad. So you need to stop drinking. It won’t make the pain go away forever. And if I see you taking drugs like you’ve said you’ve done in the past--”

His dad looked affronted. “That was a long time ago, Abraham. I am a doctor. I know my limits.”

Abe sighed. “Then prove that to me. All right?”

“I promise.” 

~ * ~

Abe woke up the following morning. He didn’t see his dad sleeping in his regular spot on the couch. Since Mom left, his dad avoided sleeping in the Master bedroom.

Abe wondered if his dad would consider moving to an apartment, somewhere without Mom’s metaphoric ghost burdening him and causing him so much pain. Or maybe returning to England, his native country? Abe hoped that perhaps that would help.

He checked the rest of the house, even his parents’ bedroom in case his dad had finally decided to return there during the night.

The house was completely empty.

Abe swore out loud. He didn’t have the energy to hunt him down – looking in on all the bars and other alcohol-serving establishments in the area.

Anyway, according to his dad, he had lived stretches of time without any family and he’d managed relatively okay.

Although his dad didn’t go into detail if he’d died frequently during those more solitary times.

Abe had other things to take care of, namely the Advance Directive form and making sure it was given to the appropriate entities.

And then he had to get into work as a manager at the department store. Even if he knew it wasn’t the best idea since half his mind would be worried about his emotionally unstable father. Still, he needed a distraction instead of anxiously waiting for a call from, at worst, the hospital.

****


	2. Belief

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Abe has to do something he has never done before.

His dad went to an extreme this time. Abe watched him, unresponsive, lying in a hospital bed in a coma. Alcohol poisoning.

Abe rubbed his face, every part of him so tired. His dad may have felt burdened from the weight of his unhappiness following Mom’s departure. But Abe felt burdened too at trying so hard to help his dad, to singlehandedly save him from himself.

It was a task he couldn’t do on his own he felt. But he had no choice. He was the only one who remained in his dad’s life who knew his secret. He had to stand by him, protect that secret. Abe couldn’t live with himself if he had left his dad and his immortality had been discovered. And Abe wasn’t there to stop that from happening. 

Like he’d said before, he was the only Dad he had and he would do all he could to help him. Even if the weight of being a secret keeper was almost too much to bear. Especially now with Mom gone. But he couldn’t even imagine where he would be now – maybe even dead – if he hadn’t been adopted by the two of them during World War 2. If he had to pay a price for returning the favor – looking out for his dad – then so be it. No cost was too high for being given a family when he could have been placed in an orphanage or foster care all those years ago.

Abe wasn’t sure if his dad would wake up, or if he would die – if that would happen sooner or later. He didn’t have the luxury of time. He couldn’t risk it. He had to get his dad out of here. So if he died, he could disappear at home, and his secret would still be safe. Abe would need to make sure he got to the river before his dad had to wander in public in his indecent state. But those were minor details compared to everything else.

Both the nurse and doctor looked at Abe in disbelief as he insisted to get his brother – Abe keeping to the cover story -- transported home. They had the Advance Directive – dictating those very same terms his dad had agreed to. 

The last place his dad wanted to die in was at a hospital. Authorities could be called due to the inexplicable disappearance of a dead man moments after he passed away.

And then his dad would feel compelled to move somewhere far away: another state, another country. And Abe wasn’t sure he could drop everything and follow dad to the next place. Every time at least.

~ * ~

The EMTs appeared surprised when Abe ushered them into the former guest room on the first floor. His dad had put in a monitoring system beside the plain twin bed. So his dad could have his vitals monitored while he did his experiments for “immortality research.” Abe didn’t like it and didn’t know exactly what his dad had done in this room. He doubted Mom was happy about it – before she’d gone that is. Maybe this “lab” of his dad’s was another reason why she decided to leave.

Regardless of his opinion of the room, Abe reluctantly had to admit it came in useful now with his dad in a coma.

The two EMTs lifted his dad from the stretcher to the bed. Abe helped, easing his dad on to the mattress, making sure his head didn’t hit anything it shouldn’t. A pillow cushioned his head, and Abe set about hooking him up to the monitors. He generally shied away from anything medical, always telling his dad with certainty that he was never going to be a doctor like him. He just wasn’t that sort of person.

But his dad still taught him some basic medical procedures, repeated regularly so that, whether he wanted it or not, it was honed into his brain.

“You’re in the medical field?” One of the EMTs asked Abe.

He shook his head. “No, my brother here is a doctor and he taught me some things. Some of it stuck, I guess.”

He shrugged.

“Cool,” said the other EMT.

Both of them looked like they wanted to say something, but looked uncomfortable putting the question forward.

Abe wondered if maybe it was how could his “brother” who was a doctor end up in this bad state, in a coma after too much alcohol.

“My brother has had better days. We’re going through family problems. But I know he’d rather be home than at the hospital. He’s never liked being a patient there.”

The EMTs nodded. The pair each gave him weak smiles, at a loss about how to respond Abe imagined.

Abe didn’t mind as they made their exit. They looked sadly at him, as if they expected that Abe was only hoping to make his “brother” comfortable, so he could die at home in peace.

And well, they weren’t completely wrong. Relief swept over him, grateful that at least his dad hadn’t died in the presence of the EMTs and then disappeared.

That would have been a nightmare. Abe got a headache just from considering the possibility.

Abe hoped that his dad would die on his own, and he’d go pick him up when he vanished.

He waited one hour, two, three hours. His dad was still breathing on his own, and his body was not giving in. Stubborn. His heart was still beating. Pulse still there.

Abe felt himself growing hot, getting nervous as his hands shook. His dad wouldn’t want this. He wouldn’t want to remain in this state forever. He would want Abe to…to…

He couldn’t finish the thought. It shouldn’t be a big deal. Simple. He had to kill his dad, so he’d disappear and then he would come back to life. Next time Abe was going to see him, he would be approaching him, naked, from the river. And Abe would make sure to bring him a set of dry clothes and a towel. Straightforward.

Except he had never killed his dad. The past times, his dad always just died, and Abe was there in the aftermath. Or Mom before she chose to leave.

It took Abe over a day to get the courage to go through with it. 

He’d hoped his dad would have disappeared by the next day, but he was still there. Still hooked up to the machines, breathing softly, hands making slight movements.

“Dad?” He asked, sitting down beside him.

He grabbed his dad’s hand, squeezing it.

He considered that one day, his dad would be the one sitting beside him in his final days on his deathbed. The thought was oddly a calming one. It was sort of nice too that his dad’s immortality allowed Abe to never have to watch the man who raised him die permanently. And once his dad got through this rough patch, Abe couldn’t ask for a better confidante as long as he lived.

He also felt somber at the fact that he wouldn’t always be there for his dad – his dad would outlive him. And his secret wasn’t so easily shared. Losing Mom like this was breaking his dad, and Abe wished he could make him feel better. That his dad would be happy again. But it was going to take some time, he understood that. He found contemplating his dad’s future hard…after he himself passed away, would his dad be all right?

Abe shook his head, the ache returning. He pressed his hand to his forehead. 

“I’m beginning to understand the worry you felt for me as I grew up. I may have brushed it off as the usual parent wanting their child safe, and I rebelled as all kids do. But Dad, have to say, you’re putting me through the wringer here. That’s what families do, they love one another through the good and bad times. And—“Abe paused, letting out a laugh, the weight of anxiety making him feel funny. 

The weight of – this will be the first time, I’m going to mess this up. What if Dad stops being immortal the moment I kill him? What if Fate could have a twisted sense of humor like that?

“Damnit, Dad. Please die on your own. I’m begging you.” 

But his plea wasn’t answered.

So in the early morning hours, Abe finally felt he was in the right frame of mind to get the morphine and syringe he’d kept locked up. Some time ago, his dad had gotten the morphine, but when his dad started drinking heavily to deal with Mom’s sudden exit, Abe had hidden away the drug. His dad may be immortal yet Abe didn’t want to see his dad mixing a powerful narcotic with alcohol. Someone had to be the reasonable one and that fell to him. 

After he put on a pair of latex gloves, he filled up the syringe with morphine. He said repeatedly to himself, “I’m not killing Dad. I’m just putting him to sleep. I’m only putting him to sleep. He won’t be in pain. He’ll disappear and return alive and well. And everything will be okay.”

As okay as it could be now after Mom leaving. It was a new normal Abe was slowly but surely beginning to accept.

Before he injected his dad with the fatal dose of morphine, Abe remembered an evening years ago when he’d be fifteen.

1959

_Abe couldn’t help but eavesdrop on his parents’ argument. They were talking so loudly that his curiosity got the best of him._

_But he soon regretted it as he realized what they were discussing._

_“This is ridiculous, Henry. He’s too young.”_

_“I don’t find this easy either, Abigail. But better now than to keep delaying it. And he did begin high school last year. Abraham is growing up whether we want him to or not. He knows my secret and he has to understand all that comes with it.”_

_“Damnit, Henry!” His mother exclaimed._

_Abe flinched, rarely hearing his mom swear out loud that it stunned him._

_“Abigail, I have faith in Abe that he is ready to do this should the need arise.”_

_“Don’t you see, Henry? Don’t you see that you’re asking him to be your executioner? What sort of lesson are you teaching him – that if the pain gets to be too much or if you’re not dying fast enough, he should administer a drug to remedy this?”_

_“I am sorry, Abigail, but I must do this before I lose my desire to. There is never a perfect time, so now will have to do.”_

_Abe decided to leave, skipping steps as he rushed up the stairs to his room. He didn’t want to think about what he’d heard. But his mind gave him nothing else to focus on. And he’d thought learning of his dad’s immortality months ago would be the craziest thing he’d ever find out._

_But no. It’d be his dad raising the possibility that Abe could kill him one day if the need allowed. That his dad actually wanted him to do that._

_Well, no one wanted to be in pain for long._

_But still. He couldn’t believe this was a topic of discussion._

_His dad came into his bedroom. Abe contemplated trying to make an excuse to leave._

_Abe stood up, eyeing the door. “Uh, I have somewhere I need to go…” he said weakly._

_His dad gave him a look. “I am not deaf, Abraham. I heard you going up the stairs in a hurry. Your mom heard too. This isn’t easy for either of us, but you can’t avoid this forever. Better now than when it’s too late.”_

_Abe bit his lip, looking at the syringe in his dad’s hand like it was the root of his problems._

_“Dad, I really don’t want to kill you tonight.” Abe said._

_He wanted to laugh at what he’d just said. At how it didn’t sound crazy. It was just a new fact of his life now. His dad could die, but he would come back to life._

_His dad gave him a reassuring smile. “Don’t worry, Son. This is more that you know how to use a syringe properly than what is inside it. There’s only a simple hydration solution in here,” he told him, showing it to him, the clear liquid jostling slightly from the movement. “Nothing to worry about. I’ll show you what to do and then you will try it.”_

_“On myself?”_

_“On me.”_

_“Oh okay.”_

_Abe looked doubtful, wondering if his dad was lying to him and he really did have a lethal drug in there._

_Yet the liquid looked so harmless that Abe wanted to believe his dad._

_“How do I know you’ll always come back? You told me that you weren’t sure that something could kill you for good one day.”_

_His dad put his hands on Abe’s shoulders. “Listen to me, Abraham. I will always come back. Do you understand?”_

_“But…” Abe trailed off._

_“If you believe in one thing, believe in that. Could you do that for me?”_

_Abe nodded however reluctantly. He saw his dad’s promise for what it was. An attempt to reassure him. That the chance something could kill him permanently one day was now null and void. Just so Abe would be willing to kill him, confident that his dad would disappear and return alive and well in the water._

_“All right, Son. Watch me.”_

Abe’s mind returned to the present. He found some strength in his dad’s words all those years ago. 

He took a deep breath, exhaled, and inserted the syringe in his dad’s arm into the muscle.

Once he had finished, the syringe empty, Abe checked his dad’s vitals. His breathing slowed down until Abe could no longer see his chest rising and falling. His heart rate decreased, flatlining, and his pulse weakened until Abe no longer felt it.

Abe waited as his anxiety nearly overwhelmed him. A second felt like a minute, a minute felt like ten as he stared at his dad, waiting for him to vanish.

When he saw his dad’s body disappear, Abe felt relief sweep through him. Then he walked fast to the bathroom, vomiting the last thing he’d eaten with little effort down the toilet. He sat by the wall in the bathroom, closing his eyes so he wouldn’t see his hands shake.

“Breathe. Everything’s okay. It’s done. You need to go pick up your dad. Pull yourself together.” He said out loud.

****


	3. Always

Abe went into the guest bedroom on the second floor, grabbing the duffel bag he’d prepared for his dad. A set of clothes and a towel or two. 

Seeing the room spinning around him as he left, Abe carefully walked down the stairs with the bag – determined not to let the nausea deter him. He ate a banana and drank water from a glass. He took bottled water with him, hoping that would be enough. Although truthfully, the stress of the last few days – his dad’s worsening despair, alcohol abuse, and then having to kill his dad – was catching up to him.

Maybe he should stay home and let his dad find his own way back. His dad had done it before. Abe felt bad for even thinking that his dad deserved not having help. But then he’d really understand how much he’d hurt Abe. 

Yet he couldn’t in good conscience go through with it. He silenced his dark, bitter thoughts. His dad was hurting too. The last thing he needed was to be caught out by police for public indecency. Especially if Abe was able to give him clothes and a ride.

He breathed in and out, trying his best to calm himself. He stopped feeling nauseous and he didn’t have the spinning sensation any longer. Getting some food inside him helped for the moment. Abe felt ready to go out, and not worry he’d crash the car because he was feeling ill.

Abe found his dad at the shore of the river, not quite willing to venture out into the street. Fortunately since it was still early in the day, not many people were out and about.

He called his dad over and he had a grateful look on his face upon seeing Abe. One hand still covering his private area, he took the bag Abe brought him. He dried himself with a towel, and quickly put on a pair of pants and a shirt, finishing it off with a coat and scarf.

He climbed into the car, sitting beside Abe in the front passenger seat. Abe gripped the steering wheel so tight his knuckles were turning white.

“Thank you, Abraham,” he said, his tone quiet, careful as if he was half-expecting Abe to initiate an argument with him. “I’m sorry to have put you in that situation. Did I die on my own or--?”

Abe looked to him, giving him a passing smile of reassurance. “Yes, it was on your own. Went all right. You disappeared and I came straight here to pick you up.”

Abe put the car in drive, pulling out of his spot and reentering traffic.

His dad looked at him incredulously. He didn’t believe him. His dad and his observational skills – Abe knew all too well he couldn’t fool his dad for long. He’d had years of examples of Abe lying to his face. This time wasn’t any different.

“Abraham, you’re looking peaky. Are you feeling ill?” He asked him, sounding concerned.

His dad pressed his hand to Abe’s forehead. “You’re feeling warmer than you should.”

“I’m fine.” Abe said, biting his tongue to stop himself from saying something else he shouldn’t. 

The forceful tone of his voice caused his dad to drop his hand, looking uncertain about what to say or do. He could tell Abe was angry with him. It was obvious, yes, but Abe was glad that there was that understanding. He really just wanted to get home and avoid his dad. It sounded like a good plan.

Still concerned about his health Abe imagined, his dad offered to make breakfast. He insisted Abe sit down and rest. Abe let him do it, appreciating the offer even if guilt was most likely driving his dad’s actions. 

Exhaustion hitting him like a train, Abe decided to get some rest after breakfast. His dad ushered him into the guest bedroom on the second floor. He set a glass of warm water by his bedside.

“Get some rest, Abraham. You’ve had a difficult time lately, and I’ve not been much help to you. I’m sorry. Abigail leaving hit me harder than I ever expected. I imagine the hurt will always remain, but I shall have to make peace with that as best as I can.”

“I miss her. She was the best Mom,” Abe murmured as sleep claimed him.

His dad might have said something but Abe was already fast asleep, so he didn’t hear him.

~ * ~

Abe woke up around lunchtime. The sleep had helped him. He felt more alive than he had in days.

He sat up in bed, drinking the water at the bedside table. There were some crackers on a plate, which Abe helped himself to as well. He climbed out of bed, deciding to find out what his dad was up to. He headed down to the kitchen. 

He was surprised when he saw his dad draining bottles of alcohol – wine, brandy, champagne, scotch – down the sink. 

Abe didn’t know what else to do but stare.

“How are you, Abe? Are you feeling better?” His dad asked him. “I found the alcohol. I thought it wisest to empty the bottles. They were making me someone I have no wish to be. And if I lose you because of drinking, then no expensive bottle of wine or scotch is worth that.”

Abe sighed. “You won’t lose me. No matter what you do. I’ll do anything to help you. You’re my Dad after all. And I can be a stubborn person when I need to be. Don’t worry.”

Midway through draining a bottle, his dad finally voiced what Abe just knew he would find out.

“Abraham, I know you used morphine on me. I saw the bottle of it in the lab on the first floor. I—“

Abe cut him off, raising his hand. “No. No more apologies. I don’t need to hear it. I’m okay, Dad. Really. It was my first time doing that, but I got through it. I’m fine.”

His dad set the bottle down on the kitchen counter. He approached Abe and embraced him. 

Abe tried not to cry. He was a grown man after all. But he’d be lying if he didn’t admit his emotions now were a mess, a tangled, somewhat volatile mess.

His dad remained silent, for which Abe was grateful for. He sucked in a breath, and let his dad continue the hug, his shoulders relaxing as he settled into it. The reminder that he still had his dad, that everything was as it should be was something he needed especially now.

Abe recalled his dad’s words from that night in 1959: _I will **always** come back._

He smiled to himself as he remembered. 

His dad kissed him on the head and then let him go.

As Abe moved to assist with his dad with lunch, he thought, _“And I will always be there for you, Dad. For as long as I’m able.”_

~ * ~ * ~ * ~  
The End


End file.
